$7.50 Beer Night

“Roy it wasn’t that bad, you did good. You got a few laughs.”
I gave Derek a sarcastic stare my show was the exact opposite of good. Derek and I had been best friends since grade five. Right now I didn’t need my best friend what I needed was a break. I couldn’t go back to my job on Monday, the very thought of going back to Coffee-N-Go serving those over privileged, skinny jean wearing, metrosexual, make up wearing, wannabe’s that were born to trust funds just ticked me off. And after tonight’s failure seeing them would pull that wound open and pour salt on it. “A few laughs, I need more then a few laughs. Damn it Derek I’m going to be the first act for the rest of my life with just a few laughs. You know what maybe I’ll get an arena gig with just a few laughs. Maybe that cute blond in the front row would get with me with just a few laughs.” This conversation was not helping me. Hell I was not helping myself with all this sarcastic bull shit.
“Look, dude I know you’re upset. I thought it was funny and I’m sure a few other people did. How about we go get a few drinks hit on a few girls and tomorrow we’ll work on your stand up for your next gig?”
“Derek you weren’t on stage when that drunk started to laugh, everyone looked around for the one guy laughing at my jokes, it was embarrassing.“ From deep down a heavy sight escaped, like a wave crashing before the calm. “I have a gig next Saturday but I think I’m going to cancel.” I shook my head. “Hit on girls? What so they can turn me down and I can embarrass myself again? That will make me feel much better.” I said sarcastically.
“Don’t cancel, let’s go get a few drinks and think of tonight as a learning experience.”
“Everything is a bloody learning experience. My first time kissing a girl was a learning experience, my first time driving a car was a learning experience, my first time getting the crabs was a learning experience. I’m tired of putting nights like this behind me. For once Derek I want to walk out of a venue and have everyone waiting for me to sign autographs. To get that killer paycheck, that is what I need to have happen.”
“It will come.”
“I’m not so sure, I’ll be collecting social security before I’m funny.” With that Derek shut up and we walked in silence to the pub.

We made our way to Flanagans. A pub that served decent food and it wasn’t to far from where I lived. So after I was finished drowning my sorrows I could stumble my unfunny self home.
“Hey Roy, Derek, how’d tonight go?” I looked at Amanda, she was new to Flanagans but every time I was here she was. I considered it luck on my part, as she was easy on the eyes. After the night I had, any distraction would be appreciated.
“It went really good Amanda, how’s your night going?” I said.
“Good, the tips could be better. When is your next show?”
“Next Saturday, you should come. “ As soon as I said it I regretted it.
“Maybe I will, give me a joke. If I laugh I’ll come and the first round is on the house.”
“Sure, what the hell.” Derek and I looked at each other for a brief unsettling moment. It was to late now I had to go through with it, good or bad. “Okay Amanda. A little girl puts a quarter in to a gum machine, and a human tooth comes out. The little girl looks up at her mom and says Mommy I found where the tooth fairy lives.”
Amanda looked at me then to Derek, “It’s $7.50 beer night.”

Field Trip

“Kids do you have your permission slips?” Miss Ackorn said looking around at her students as they held the permission slips in the air. “Good, now hand them off to Andy, our operator for this trip and then take your seats. Make sure you fashion all safety harnesses.

The well behaved kids formed a single line and all walked into the time travelling school bus handing their signed permission slips to Andy as he scanned them in to the travel log. Once all the children were inside Andy stood at the front of the bus and looked back at the seated children.
“Okay here are the rules on this trip, you will always keep your arms and legs inside the bus at all times until we have arrived. Do not get separated from the group, if you do find yourself lost, please press your locator beacon that we have provided and a rescue team will be bought in to find you. The most important thing to remember is to listen to all instructions issued by your teacher Miss Ackorn and myself. Everybody understand?”
“Yes Andy!” The children said together.
“Good, any questions?” Andy asked but no hands went up.
“Good let’s get this show on the road!” Andy turned to take the controls of the bus as the kids cheered behind him. Every one excited for todays field trip.

With in seconds they had travelled back to the prehistoric period, the doors of the school bus opened and the children lined up to exit.
“Okay kids should a dinosaur show itself…” Before Miss Ackorn could finish a ginger haired kid ran past her and out in to the prehistoric forest.
“Ha-ha look at me, first one out!” Larry started to take giant steps and shorted his hands. “Look at me I’m a scary T-Rex, rarrrrr!” Larry looked back at the bus and noticed that all the kids stared at him with shock and terror on their faces, not the humor he expected. The school bus doors closed and Andy hit the emergency button. They return to 2164.

“Here you are sir, Larry, as good as new. We downloaded the latest memory back up and he should be up to date. But we must advise that you inform your child the safety of staying alive. Cloning technology can only do so much and this is the third time your child has perished on a field trip. You know that we cannot guarantee accuracy past the 4th generation. So do take care, your son is running out of second chances.”
“Yes of course, we will have a stern talking with Larry tonight.” Larry’s father flashed him a stern glare. “He will have a leash around his neck for the next little while.”
“Good day.” The Doctor said.
“Thank you Doc.”

The End.